Thursday, December 24, 2015

My Gift To Christ

Have you ever had a day where you felt you may have over done it? Not like over excert yourself, but you were being a little "extra", "on ten" or "doing the most"? Well I wish I could say I've never had one of those days but then there'd be no point of this post. I have had more of these days than I'd like to admit. When I got some alone time, I knew I would have to have a talk with the God and confess my sins to Him and ask for forgiveness. Like wow, I ran my mouth a little too much today and didn't show many people who I was a child of. Maybe I was too aggressive, or opinionated, had too much attitude, or heaven forbid said a naughty word. Either way it left me feeling a little dirty. 

It always remind me of one of the best complements I have ever received. One that had nothing to do with the way I looked. I was told by a patient when I worked as a patient care tech that I didn't need to wear a cross around my neck for him to know that I was a Christian. He could see Christ in me because of the way I treated him and the way I carried myself. I couldn't wait to tell my parents about it, hoping they would feel like they had done their job as Christian parents. I often wonder some days if I have shown someone enough Christ that they could pay me such a complement. Yeah sure I'm not afraid to talk about Christ, but without me saying His name, could they see who I belonged to?

My pastor preached this week about giving a gift to Christ for Christmas. A gift that Christ would cherish, like a humble heart. As it is described in the bible, an attitude of lowliness. Ben described it as an attitude of bankruptcy, that without God I am nothing. I've never given any thought about what gifts I could give to my great King. Of course there is nothing I could give that would compare to the love and mercy He shows me but still, never, how awful that I have never considered what Jesus would want from me. More time spent with Him, a deeper relationship, a humble heart. These are the things He desires of me and all they take is time and effort.

Micah 6:8
"He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice,
and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?

I have really been struggling with a HUGE blessing God has recently given me. And how odd, you think once you've received said blessing that it would be all good but let me tell you when God decides to bless and favor you it doesn't always come without responsibility. I have been approached about this blessing and kind of been asked to explain myself. How did this happen? Why you? I have struggled with the answer to give. Making sure to not hurt anyone's feelings in the process, almost stepping on egg shells when talking about it. But the truth is very simple. I prayed long and hard!!

This was only the result of God's favor on my life. Saying that out loud didn't seem like it would be hard at first but I've been side stepping the truth. Making it a little more about me, what I have done, how much experience I have. Wow, that wasn't what I said I would do! I said I'd give Him all the credit, make sure everyone knew He was the reason. When people heard my explanation and looked at me like "that's it", I began elaborating but what resulted was a lie. I am not the most deserving, I am not the most qualified, I am not the best choice. When I received the news of this blessing I cried in my managers office, she seemed shocked and little uncomfortable as she handed me tissue, saying she didn't expect that reaction out of me. The woman who seemed so determined to get what she wanted, now breaking down in her office like a little child. I just told her that she had no idea how many people had been praying for me and how much of a blessing I considered this. My attitude needs to always reflect that moment, that moment that I felt so humbled that God would answer a prayer that seemed impossible. 

They say the first step to recovery is recognition. I am very aware that I fall short but it is a process in which I am realizing that I need to die a little everyday so Christ can grow in me. Being humble is a choice, Ben says it is a job of ours and not God's. If you do not humble yourself, God will. The last thing I want is to have a Steve Harvey moment so Lord, PLEASE let me do it!

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